UNBALL: a Game of Skill, Endurance, and Honor.
Official rules conceived and written by:
Ken Rubin and Daniel Toloudis
Copyright ©1988-2004

Table of Contents
General Guidelines
Packaging of "The Unball"™
Impression on a keyboard
Material makeup
How to purchase your very first "The Unball"™!
Final test of validity
The Game
Where to hit the "The Unball"™
A list of rudimentary hitting techniques
The official "The Unball"™ "The Unball playing Arena"™
How to score a point
How to lose a point
Editors' Note
How to lose a point (continued)
The hierarchically characterized organizational progression of the official "The Unball"™ "The Unball Scoring System"™
Regarding grievances
A good luck message from the editors


Unball: a game of skill, endurance, and honor. It is an activity by which two opponents face one another in mortal play. The object is both strategic and luck-influenced. One must manipulate the ball in order that it may come to rest in an area designated to be part of the opponent's territory by striking an official "The Unball"™ ball.

The official Unball Game "The Unball"™ must be packaged in the shape of a truncated oblong spheroid. The texture must be firm yet subtle, with just a hint of resilience. If the "The Unball"™ tag is removed, the remover is subject to either a penalty of two points (defined hereafter) or death by smothering with "The Unball"™ "Unball Filling"™. The impression on a keyboard made by an "The Unball"™ is:

(1) hygrt6ubnj7li,mok85f9v


(2) gt6hubnyj5rvf7imk c8

and just on occasion:

(3) bnvh gm

The materials comprising the makeup of the recipe for an "The Unball"™ are as follows:

(1) 1 troy ounce tanned cow leather

(2) 6 troy ounces untanned Scandinavian moose leather

(3) 16 2/3 feet of ochre-brown "The Unball"™ "Unball Sewing String"™

(4) 1 "The Unball"™ "The Unball Tag"™

"The Unball"™ can only be purchased from Silver's of Westport, Connecticut (which no longer exists). The final test of an "The Unball's"™ validity is that any cat must attack without mercy upon sight of "The Unball"™.


The "The Unball"™ (hereafter referred to as UB) is to be struck by no other appendage than the human arm. Names of familiar hitting techniques:

(1) 110 degree bat (colloquially known as a volley)

(2) Single wall ricochet

(3) Double wall ricochet

(4) Triple wall ricochet (only in special cases)

(5) The double hand swipe spin serve

(6) The Toloudis full body extension scoop save

(7) The Rubin Kentucky backspin triple wall serve

(These techniques are rudimentary and should be mastered before attempting any of their combinations.)

The official "The Unball"™ "The Unball Playing Arena"™ is to be defined as any infinite series of points in a convex region (colloquially referred to as a rectangular room) that allows playing space sufficient for two "The Unball"™ Unball players. Suggested specifications of room dimensions: between 1,000 and 15,625 cubic feet per "The Unball"™ Unball player.

A point is scored by any of the following occurrences:

(1) Scoring a point (defined above)

(2) Losing a point (not defined)

(3) The "The Unball"™ coming into contact with a region of space defined as nonspace defined as out of bounds defined as the space where a point can be scored.

The loss of a point follows any of these actions:

(1) Hitting the "The Unball"™ with any appendage other than the human arm.

(Editors' Note: Defined is herefore defined as the definition of a previously undefined (or possibly undefinable) term.)

(2) Hitting the ball at an angle of less than 110 degrees orthogonal to the downward parallel to the "The Unball"™ "The Unball playing Arena Wall"™.

The hierarchically characterized organizational progression of the official "The Unball"™ "The Unball Game Scoring System"™ progresses hierarchically as follows:

(1) The first player to score five points, winning by two, is named the winner of a ROUND.

(2) The first player to win three ROUNDS is named the winner of a MATCH.

(3) The first player to win three MATCHES will hereby be titled the "The Unball"™ "The Unball SPHERE Winner"™.

(4) The first contestant to achieve 137 consecutive SPHERE titles (136 for "The Unball"™ "Women's Unball"™ shall be awarded the distinct and just slightly unattainable honor of "HYPERSPHERE Winner".

(5) Any person or persons scoring more than one HYPERSPHERE are to be summarily ostracized on the grounds of premeditated stupidity.

No grievance shall be made after the shot is made. After an illegal shot is returned by any player playing the "The Unball"™ "Unball Game"™ the illegal status of the shot is updated and/or appended to the status of "Legal" and play continues until a time whenupon a point is scored (see above).

Good Luck,

the editors...